Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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