Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
