Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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