hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
