Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
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