Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
