I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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