I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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