1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize