Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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