mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize