yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
