My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
