Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
accomplished twins. life is a go
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
