You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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