We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
