You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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