i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
