Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
