More tranny stories later!
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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