why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize