I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
