She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
