Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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