Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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