I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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