first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
