Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
