Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize