just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
