if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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