when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
