I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Sober January is a disaster.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
