I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Vodka?
Forever.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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