Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
