She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Randomize
