Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize