So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
