when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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