3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
