We're facebook friends in real life
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
