just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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