I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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