Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
