just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
