Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Randomize
