Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Boobs speak an international language.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize