you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
