just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
