Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
i need some magic done to my vagina
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
