I am puke
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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