I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
