i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize