dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
