help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
and you said cock pushups were impossible
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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