Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
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