I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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