When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
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