you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
