as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
