OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
