I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
