He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
