Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
