we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
