I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
