i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
