Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
