pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Green mimosas i think yes
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
