So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
