sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You're earring is so big in my mouth
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
