He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
