Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize