Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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