Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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