All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
