I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize