He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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