Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
