Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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