i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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