Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
