tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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