Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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