I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
