I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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