Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
