there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
