I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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