Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
bring money and cleavage
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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