I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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