i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
