R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
