Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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