I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
