Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
