could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
