When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
