Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize