remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
