just come out here and I will go home with you...
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
