I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
We got so high we made milksteak
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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