you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
